Theme by nostrich.
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For a long time I’ve worked hard to not seek significance in the gods of my culture. I diminished the importance of social approval, beauty, wealth and even intelligence and eloquence.
Until one day I realised that I had turned my life into an empty, hollow existence that lacked any form of meaning. And had not ended the act of worship. I was still striving, still pursuing an ideal greatly important to me. The ideal of poverty, the belief that reality and truth is to be fully found in painful, difficult situations and relationships. That the exhaustive character of life itself was to be embraced and lived by. I have worshipped meaningless. The absence of true happiness.
I have to worship, for I am human. To live in denial of this, requires worship. And if I really have to kneel for something, daily. Prioritize an ideal, a belief… I want to face one that is better than hollowness and heart ache. Instead of cutting off my feet to become smaller, become humble, I will say that I am not the kind of being that wants to be humble. Instead of willingly getting hurt to be reminded that I am not God, I will kneel for God himself, who agrees with me that life aches, betrays and laughs at you. But who is not struck down, ever. And shares with me His victory over all my former little gods. And asks me to need this, as a first act of worship.
Well okay then.
